FRusTration......
Full of frustration and miserable heart!! Dunno wat to do… in such situation where this side is fren and another side is my sis. Somehow is a sis that I really care and worry the most among all siblings. Frens that so close.. but might not that can understand me the most… (after all these while changes). I understand there are things I shouldn’t say right here!! But this is my place for me to speak out loud and to express myself… since there are not much people I can talk to. I really need this privacy place that I can express freely I like.
Haih~~~ Lord please help me!! There are things that a lot ppl tot just can solve by money is not a problem. But to me in certain circumstances not necessary. I mean… I just dowan to be wasteful and not that rich as you tot. I don’t think anyone I mean to pamper in such kind of way. If not because a necessary situation I think I would not choose putting myself into such position!
Already feel hard enough to see how she changed from a clean, pure, innocent to a another person. Honestly relationship always bring us to a gap.. just make me feel odd or dare not get close with the partner. Coz she always give me a pressure of her jelousy will be very very strong.. if anything I might say or do wrong, then easily it will cause an explosion. I guess is my life to have all my best gal frens around me.. always “chung sek heng yau”. No matter where I go or gonna be my best gal fren.. they will be the same type of person once they are in relationship.
Well, make me realise.. frens are frens.. there are always a different and a gap between ur partner and families. I guess the innocent though that I used to had, really need to “ERASE” from my dictionary. I tot things will last forever and the whatever “…ship” will never change!! But I guess I’m totally wrong. Nothing is gurantee in this world.. except for the LOVE of GOD!
Now I pray to Heavenly Father to bring me trough this darkness and show me the direction of my future.. Help me to solve the current issues and provides thing that me, my sis and my galfrens need.. in order to peace each other heart! I guess also way to shut each other mouth (Sorry being rude). But I guess my upset and disappointment are not driving me to “rational road” at all in this moment.
Please forgive me Lord Jesus and provides us! I really give up and surrender all this into Your hand. The reminder that You sent from an Angel to me… “to rely on YOU everyday and especially I’m weak”. Thanks a lot… and now I really very weak! AMEN!
5 Comments:
if u pause and think, of what is going on, try to see it from another point of view, i hope u could see how u put me through now.
'chung sek heng yau' a phrase i've started to get from u since 4 years ago, since the first day i step into the world of relationship. i don't understand, i never did, but at all time i just kept quiet and let u keep on repeating the same phrase over and over again these years, if that makes u happy. but at which point of time, did i neglect u? are u really sure that, u never did to me before? did i put u in that situation before? did i uttered this phrase to u before?
at all time i try my best to make u happy, try to let u have the time u wanted most, having good time around with great friends. but at all time when things doesn't seem right for u, i am to be blame. and i still keep quiet at times like these all these while. so that makes u feel better? to know that u're the one who is right all the time? i'm just too tired to explain, and too tired to make u understand, if silence can solve it easily, then i shall just obey.
everyone changes, and just bcoz i admitted to it at all time, i did change, it seems to be a point for u to just shoot me with anything at anytime. so, is it that u never change at all? or is it that u change to a better person, but my change is the other way round? u know how pure and innocent lead me into pain and torture? u know how i went through them? u never did, and u'll never know. and for u to put the blame on all that, on me, hurts even more.
i don't know what make me voice this out tonight, probably silence is enough, i'm just too tired for anymore of this, u have ur own matter bothering u, my fren, i have too, and everyone around us as well.
hope u appreciate what we have done for u. I have to persuade my housemate to give half of the room to your sis when you couldnt find any place for her to stay. FYI, my housemate was reluctant as she is very used to occupying the whole room herself.
And we didnt say that we wont help ur sis to find a room mate, infact we have been pasting advertisement all around. The misunderstanding was because all these while you have been communicating on her behalf and she didnt get the complete info. I'm just acting according to what is right and not siding the new housemate or ur sis. I'm a fair person and doing the right things.
My sis is just helping ur sis to get a place to stay, dats all. So pls dont simply put any blames on her. She has already done her part as a friend to you. Else your sis my still end up with no place to stay.
I'm renting out the rooms and therefore all that are staying here are my tenants, even friends also have to follow rental procedure. Doesnt mean that friends means you can take advantage. I think u should understand this well as well. I really dont see this as any big deal until I saw your MSN status as best friends are meaningless when they let you down... which i think is totally childish and FYI, i'll never call my best friend meaningless.
If this can make u feel better, we might got someone for your sister already. But I thought to let u know only once they confirm but seems like you are highly emotional over this matter. If I know such problem will occur, I would rather not rent the room to "friends".
And another thing rship is each individual problem. Good friends should be there to support no matter what. Ppl will grow and change, and may have bumps n humps in rship but that doesnt mean the friendship with u has changed. If a person is understanding enough, they will be able to see this and appreciate the friendship and pull her through the difficult time. If the person is unable to do so, dont waste time telling others that they are your best friend. Just a waste of time.. Again all these are my opinion and time to grow up gal. Also let your sis learn her way..u cant take care of her all your life.
i believe everyone speak out things is a good sign.. at least not in silence. For me to speak out coz i got no any better place to talk or even a single soul for me to speak. I also understand ppl like to speak on their side of view.. coz that is just what they feel for that moment. It just like.. you never think for other ppl's view when they speaking. I un as a fren u did ur part and a very best one. I really appreciate that. I don't wish this to happen and to me i had the same feelings if i know such situation will happen i will not allow my sis live there and such things to break my such previous freindship. But in other side... i'm in the middle where i need to face my sis and mum. My mum is giving me pressure coz i'm the one found the place for my sis.. and i totally understand as a parent always "kan cheong" their kids and wanna provide the best. I also agree with leen that ppl should grow and allow them to learn. This is what i used to in the past 5 years when i'm alone in Melb. But sometimes, my parents or sis could un this theory as they never been through. I tried to explain things.. but i believe it will only make things worst.. coz in their mind they will always think i side my frens. Anyway this is what my style or what i am to everyone in my family since i was young. That's why i really just stuck in between that couldn't breath at all.
I tot calling my fren to see any solution or i can talk to. But myabe i called in a wrong time that she just woke up or in a bad mood. Her reaction and response did not help me or neither good. Make me feel more in between and couldn't breath. So.. i just need space for me to talk and shout out loud while my emotion that moment still "SHAKING". Ppl ask bout my msn status.. i didn't say anything.. coz i tot i didn't mean to harm anyone or creating prob. But worries always in my heart coz i know.. if my parents involve in the issue it will really ruin my frenship. That's why i talk to myself and sis.. that i'm not goin to involved. If anything u ask ur owner directly and is time u should learn things urself.
I never tot.. this will appear after few days... i release out my stressness in this "Space". Anyway, if u guys really upset or ppl full of que.. i would just like to say "SORRY" and this is a process of life where freindship will come to challenge and human will face problems. I totaly understand the normal cycle. But i also know that to different ppl have different reaction and response. Yea, i understand there are changes in btw the ppl and time... did changed a person. But it just that matter of time for me to take it.. i trying to.. but i need time. Saying that "phrase" is showing i concern bout u only i care. If not i won't say.. coz i already don;t bother ur existance. So, i hope u un. And honestly, the msg in this blog and "BEST FREN" i does not mean u alone.. coz there are fren back in Melb. I mean i personally facing lots of prob.. as losing support and alone.
Anyway, Sorry for the miun and all fren thanks for the concern. I'm only a human i'm limited, so thing i can say or do. I did.. if u all still wanna misun i can't do anything. But just hope u un.. and one side is my family and another is my fren.
Excuse Me gals! I just explored the blogs and read those comments, I don't know what you all going on,but just think it is a private diary, if the gal wants to express the feeling here, it's her own right, n leaving comment that should respect the site owner, take care gals!
Anyway, if you still got any unhappy or not good feelings in heart. We may come out and sit down for a peace discussion. Coz, i dowan create worst situation. Or maybe can do any other arrangement. As my sis is the innocent party that know nothing. Is all my fault.. i'm the one to be blame. So, i hope you make things clear that.. issues is in between us and not my sis. I really thanks for helping her.. Thanks and appreciate all that you have done.
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