SHOUT IT LOUD!!!!!

It been really long long time.. i have not blog here... i think it been long long time i didn't speak myself out and mostly because i don't have time. But since Feb this year i came back Melbourne... it had been happening a lot of things... where i just avoid them!!!!
Now, in this moment i feel damm silly and embrassed!!! arrrgggghhh... dunno how to speak it or put into a story.... but i just hate this!! Why am i so silly and get fool.... this always beeen my weakness. Being alone is the worst things in my life!!! Hate loneliness.!!! and i always come to a situation like that!!! Now i hate myself and don't trust this anymore. I just feel all these things are so fake. How come my experiences doesn't cover my emotional. I think i should learn all these self control and stuff!!!
I have not pray for a while as well, how come??? Lord, please help me... i mean please slap me and wake me up! Stop dreaming and should appreciate things you had gave me. I know this is all my fault!! how come in this world there are ppl heartless... they can lie, kill, rape and doing all those bad things. Don't they have heart or any humanities feelings at all? I really wonder wat the made from. Really can't imagine... this world are full of shit! and i believe i will be one of the shit!!!
Now, is time for me to wake up and back to my normal life. No matter how my condition will be i think i really need to learn think properly. I rather i don;t have feelings, but only rationality. But my current situation telling me i mess and i only feelings and emotional driving me crazy!!! Well, lucky i don't feel hurt... but i just feel angry, embrassed and piss of coz bein fool by ppl! Damm it! Couldn't be like this.... arrrrggghhhh.... dunno wat the hack i talking as well now!! Just hate myself that's it!!!!
HElppppppHeeelLLppp....arrrrrrgggggggghhhh....