No One Could Understand~~!!!

WHY???1!!!!...ARRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH.............. i really wan to run up to moutain and shout out LOUD!!! I remember how we used to do all these in high school... wait for the sun rise, sleeping on the street, stay up whole night for nothing.... just shout and laugh whenever we feel like and like. How i wish i can do all these right now. Of course not by myself or alone like this. Not to day have such time... but even someone to go yum cha with me also none. I guess looking someone so that i can talk to also hard. It beens some months... i never go out at night... i mean when all these while in Tpg... i guess since CNY. The noisy and cheerful days ended.
Not to say frens, but ppl around u will also never understand u. I guess these days i laugh is because of movie... no one had make me laugh be4 for few weeks. These kind of days how long it gonna last? Everynight looking at the ceiling until 2-3am.. brain just doesn't stop thinking of every problems and issues, including friendship, relationship, families and works. I really very tired of all these... when can i hear the laughter i used to have? When can someone listen to me? When can i get a hug? When can i lean on a shoulder and cried out loud? Who can go through this hard time together with me? I guess the answer to the last question and in this moment is only GOD.
I'm not asking for anything fancy or great... but just someone or a soul that willing to accompany me and talk to me. Communicating with ppl around us is really a very hard things. Especially for me to cope back the life/ things that i had throw behind for 5 years.. is not easy for me to pick it up. Talking and living in siblings also become a challenge for me. As they had grew and me this "Big sister" no longer needed by them anymore. Sometimes i really feel myself useless... i mean there is like no use i'm here. Feel like look a place that people can make use of me and make my life more meaningful. Meanwhile i undertsand to make life meaningful.. not depends on ppl but is myself. But in this moments i really couldn't get such feelings.
I really feel so stress and hard.... The more torturing things is when u in pain and suffer... u couldn't find a soul to speak to. Talking in this blog is my only way to put my heart "heavy stone" down. I like place for me to "vomit" all the "viruses and bacteria" that affecting in my heart & mind. Lord please listen to my words... come to this site and look at my "sickness". Please subscribe me a suitable "medicine" and cure me!!! I scare i can't stand anymore!!! Well, i also would like to Thank You for giving me this "temporary relief medicine"... for me taking a break during this Easter. I going Sabah. This is Your Grace to me... Thank You Lord Jesus! AMEN!